Tangerine. My favorite Led Zepplin song, and they are my favorite band of all time, a no brainer because they are the solid best. I do not remember life without Zepplin, and like the Piaget kid for whom things that not can be seen do not exist, I am pretty secure that Led Zepplin has been a part of human culture since the beginning of time. Check out the cave drawings.
So why was I listening to Tangerine when my ex husband popped into my head? (EEEW! Yuck! Douse it smash it!!!EWWW!) I have creeped out myself in my own mind, open skull, add Zepplin, shake in a side of clouds, stir.
"Thinking how it used to be/Does she still remember days like these?" The song just breaks your heart. Today I wonder if my ex husband, who's life I destroyed after he nearly destroyed mine, ever thinks of me with the longing and sadness that can be heard in the song.
(Does he even listen to Zepplin anymore? Do people who drive mini vans listen to Zepplin?)
It's not because I'm mean, and that I want people to suffer, (actually, there is a handful of people I would like to suffer somewhat and maybe after a while I could graciously end their suffering because I am so compassionate and adult, but I'm really not) it's because I want to be that princess in a tower, that woman that is forever pined for, wanted and adored no matter what by some noble, well read, extremely good looking, shirtless man. My ex husband was none of those things. The current man regularly has me confounded in one way or another.
The problem with having choices in your life is that you have choices. If you don't figure that out until you are in your mid thirties, you not only have the choices you have yet to make to deal with, you have all the ones you let slip away and all of your wrong turns behind you. You are stuck with the promise to yourself that you won't waste the next twenty years of your life not having the life you want.
And compromise becomes the double edged sword.
I'll second that. And third.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts are so intriguing. Just the other day my friend was trying to hook me up with some ugly dude and I told her no. She told me that I need to stop being so picky because I have a son and its going to be even harder to find a guy that wants to deal with my baggage. I pondered her comment for a while and thought maybe I am too picky. Then I told myself to shut the hell up! If Im potentially going to spend the rest of my life with someone, they better me perfect in my eyes and I shouldnt have to feel like I need to change them! Gosh everything you blog makes me think about my life and my choices.
ReplyDeleteI find divorce difficult. In my ideal world it wouldn't be necessary. Perhaps there is something to be said about the arranged marriage - the choice is made for you. In reality I don't think I would like that very well but I didn't not make a good choice with my husband and continue to hear about ways that he has caused chaos for other people. Distance helps in time but there are two children I have to coparent with him. Music helps me as well.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love that song. You are the only other person I have "met" whose favorite Led Zepplin song is Tangerine. I don't know what it is about that song but it is beautiful and haunting.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is a Led Zepplin fan also. She likes playing her electric guitar and your right life is a challenge, choice and compromise
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wonder of people from the past who have affected me in some way wonder about me. And sometimes I wonder about if the ex does too...
ReplyDeleteMy father once said, "Be careful what you do, sometimes sorry isn't going to cut it." I use that as my mantra for how I treat others and myself. I see no point in regret once it has served it's purpose to teach us lessons. I do feel that you only get one shot at this life, make it the best you can. Compromise is important, but not if you're compromising who you really are. Sometimes you have to walk away from a choice and start over. It's not a failure, no one's keeping score, it's a journey and we decide if we lived a happy life or not-we choose to see what we want.
ReplyDeleteI love the closing line. You make me think so much. I hope I can learn to spill out my thoughts in such captivating ways like you do. I am not there yet but you sure are a great example!!
ReplyDeleteI love Zepplin too. Kashmir is my favorite!
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