I hate squirrels. I have always hated squirrels because the get the big salad of the animal kingdom, they get credit they don't deserve. They are rodents. They move into your attic, if they are so inclined. They steal bird food, and anything else they can get. I don't know for sure but I bet they carry ticks and lyme's disease and lots of other plagues. They are vermin. They are rats with fuzzy tails.
It aggravates me even more that people feed them, because they are not little Disney characters, they are a foul plague to all forms of life. I had a neighbor who fed a squirrel, and he busted into her apartment when she left the door open, demanding food and making himself completely at home. He would not leave her alone after that. She would walk to the laundry room and he would block her path, staring at her menacingly. I would have to throw rocks at him.
There's one who lives near my house, he's huge and gnarly and red. You could tell that in his day, he was probably the muscle for some squirrel kingpin, cuz he's so beat up looking. He once stole a pack of Camel Lights from the table in the cantina. He still runs across the roof, and I yell and hiss at him. He'll just lean over the roof and look down at me like,"Lady are you kidding me?"
Not only are they aggressive, self righteous, thieving foul vermin, they are murderers. The squirrel gang terrorizes our neighborhood by eating the fiberglass around people's headlights and then eating the wires so people's headlights don't work. So far, the only cost to society has been a few tickets and expensive car repairs. I think it's just a matter of time before they start experimenting with putting holes in people's brake lines in their cars.
I hope it's not too late.
When I was mentally preparing to post today, I realized that one of the gambles of writing a blog is "What is no one thinks I'm interesting?" What if you find out that I really don't have a lot going on? Eventually I am going to have to move to emotional topics. Well, what to you think of the squirrell rant?
I almost wet my pants reading this!!!!! Really good stuff!! Funny thing is, the last part of your blog, I have been thinking the same thing all day only add to that "I'm not very interesting and now everyone is going to know it". I decided to write about the time I trick or treated with my son...funny is safe and that's where I'm staying for at least a little while...funny is also GOOD!!!
ReplyDeleteI got bit by a squirrell once. On my right, index finger. We were at Harris Beach in Oregon, when I was 16. We were camping and had to go the camps first aid hut. They thought we were crazy, my parents even letting their childrens hands get anywhere close to a filthy rodents mouth. We thought they were cute. It hurt, A LOT!
ReplyDeleteI loved the squirrel story! I have a problem with taking everything too literally. When I was reading your story I was thinking, "did those squirrels REALLY eat through the fiberglass around your headlights and chew through the wires??" I've come to learn that I shouldn't take things too literally, and that was probably a hyperbole for the sake of the story. In my own writing, I have a very hard time with this because I like to be so literal. Maybe that should be my next writing assignment: use hyperbole throughout, and accept the fact that it makes writing more interesting, and it is okay that it isn't 100% factual. All that to say, I enjoyed your blog and it gave me something to aim for. :)
ReplyDeleteI finally got in to your blog site. I too wonder what to write when I sit down, so far all I have accounted for are parts of my day. Now that I see your post and how you have taken a topic and just let it fly I will have to try that. I loved your squirrel post, I like to watch them as tehy jump from tree to tree or cross telephone wires but I do not like them digging up my bulbs for their lunch or thinking they can ravage the bird feeder for their own use, that is for birds and since they don't have wings (squirrels that is), they are not allowed in. Try explaining that to a squirrel though. You are right they sit and look at you like they are giving you the finger...
ReplyDeleteNow that I have found you I can get on with this assignment. Computers can make me feel so stupid and powerless at times. I guess that is why I like pencil and paper.
ReplyDeleteTerese
Holly-
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this. As soon as I read the first word I was hooked. I hope that you don't have any headlight problems your self.